The Brief and Frightening Reign of Phil by George Saunders

Author:George Saunders
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub, pdf
ISBN: 9781101217344
Publisher: Penguin Group USA, Inc.
Published: 2011-12-30T19:09:33+00:00

“Put her down, put her down,” Freeda barked at him. “Why do you want to be so bad?”

“I am not bad,” said Phil. “I am totally good. What I do, benefits all.”

Then Phil found a flaw and threw Gertrude against the wall, breaking her into a thousand pieces.

Freeda woke and rushed to Gertrude’s room. Relieved to find that Gertrude was not a broken vase and that her pink shelving was still intact, she gave Gertrude a kiss on the middle of her three rosy cheeks.

“Snowing on my face,” Gertrude mumbled.

Then Freeda went to her desk and wrote a note to the President.

Dear Mr. President, it read. Today Phil, whom I previously so much respected, disassembled a fellow, an Inner Horner fellow, who seemed nice enough, and even had a family. Is this what we stand for here in Outer Horner? I hope not. Our country is big, let us be big. Phil is out of control, sir, and must be stopped. Please do something. We’re all counting on you.

Then she put on a cloak with a hood, walked to the Presidential Palace, and slid her note under the huge jeweled door.

The lowliest butler read the note and passed it to a slightly less lowly butler, who passed it to the mirror-faced Advisor, who read it with grave concern and passed it on to the President.

“This is an outrage!” shouted the President. “Isn’t it? Isn’t it an outrage?”

“That depends, sir,” said the Advisor. “Do you think it is?”

“Well, it seems to me it is,” said the President. “Although I could be wrong. But we’ve never done that before, have we, this disassembling business?”

“Not unless you say we have,” said the Advisor.

“Get me Phil!” thundered the President.

“But sir,” said the Advisor, “I’m not sure, in light of your condition—”

“What condition?” thundered the President. “I don’t have any condition. Are you saying I have a condition? Are you saying I’m somehow getting worse or something? Are you saying I’m so old and fat and nostalgic that I’m becoming increasingly ineffectual and am always repeating myself in a state of perpetual confusion?”

“No sir,” said the mirror-faced Advisor. “I’m not saying that at all. You are no more old or fat or nostalgic or ineffectual than you were yesterday.”

“Really?” said the President. “Do you really think so? Thanks. Thanks for saying that. Look, let’s get this Phil fellow in here and clear this thing up before I forget how I feel about it and/or misplace this note.”

So the mirror-faced Advisor passed a note to the squat greenish skulky guy in charge of delivering messages, who went skittering over to Phil’s crummy apartment and slipped it under Phil’s nicked-up door.

What’s all this about disassembling someone? the note read. The President will see you first thing tomorrow morning.

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